Today is Wednesday. Hump Day. PAYDAY! So why do I have the winter blahs today?? Everyone is supposed to be happy on payday, right! But to be perfectly honest, I really HATE payday! I hate it because it reminds me that I am just stuck in this rat race, running on a wheel going nowhere! It never fails that Tattooed Dad and I end up in an argument over money since there barely seems to be enough to go around, much less any left over for his stupid cigarettes something extra. No matter how well we budget or how much extra I work to fill in the gaps it just always seems there is never enough. I am the only one generating income so of course it pisses me off gets frustrating. Of course, Tattooed Dad is quite vocal about his feelings. He never fails to remind me that I am the one working and should be making enough to support the house. I take it personal and an argument begins. Now add in the fact I have an asshole ex-husband Sperm Donor who is quite unreliable, and well now you see why payday is so peachy – not!
A few years ago my husband and I went through a really horrible time (which will make a good blog post in the near future.) and it left us in ruins financially. I have been trying to recover ever since, but feel like I am always taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Add to that the fact that the Sperm Donor (as wonderful as he is) is one of these deadbeat dads who has changed jobs a million times in the past 10 years, and owes me over $4000 in back child support. (Note: it is up to over $6000 now) Usually he doesn’t cease to amaze me with his antics but somehow he pulled the wool over my eyes again.
I knew he was changing jobs. I was told that the child support had been taken out of his last check and that it was already set to come out of his first check at his new job. And, I believed him!! So two weeks pass and I think that the money is late because of the holiday. I called him and he confirmed again that the money was on it’s way. He then told me that he had checked on it and it was being processed for his other ex, and that they were checking on fixing it, but that I was definitely getting the money. The kicker is that this particular time I actually NEEDED the money for some unexpected expenses. So anyway, I decided to call my worker to followup and see why his second wife was getting MY money. That is when the shit hit the fan. He hadn’t even called and checked on it….there was no money….there was no new job! I should’ve known!
And then of course, another fight started! I had to try to find a way to make my measly paycheck stretch (which was short to begin with because we were closed for a week) to cover all the bills (which didn’t quite stretch enough). I work 2 jobs (one from home on nights and weekends) and if I know there is no money coming from him or that my check is going to be short I can work more hours….which I did because I was planning on my check being short, but not anticipating his money being MIA. So, it seems no matter how much I plan something always goes wrong!!!
So, as I sit here in my living room looking out the window at what is left of last week’s snow I am overcome with the doldrums. You know what I mean, that yucky blah feeling where everything is bad and nothing is good. Tattooed Dad and I have been arguing all day over the bills and money. And I am so mad at Sperm Donor for lying to me again, and at myself for actually trusting him this time. The weather has me craving a hot chocolate or a Starbucks….but since I’ve pledged no caffeine in 2010, that’s out of the question. So I have the blahs, and today they are bad.
So I am done with Wednesday! I refuse to let this day, or any other day (or any worthless person) bring me down again! From now on I will find happiness and a smile in everyday!
Besides, tomorrow is Thursday and Grey’s Anatomy starts back….nothing can make tomorrow suck 🙂